Naruto's New Life
by naruto2hard
Summary: Crackfic. Just for entertainment, if any at all.
1. Naruto Meets Someone New?

Your Whole New Life. |D

There was this person who always wanted to be a unicorn. So a unicorn bit their ass for disgracing the unicorns. "OMG MY DREAM" but sadly the little naïve unicorn named … Naruto was in for Hell.

Heheheeheheheh

"Ohh lalala IM A UNICORN LAAAAA SKIPPING AROUND SHITTING MY SHITTY RAINBOW SHIT LAAAA" then, the HANDSOME MANLY PEGASUS came by and was like. "HA-HA bitch I CAN FLY YOU CAN ONLY JUMP TO YOUR PLACES OF PLACE." Naruto was ball fled! "OH YEAH?" says Naruto "THEN I CHALLENGE YOU TO A COMPETITION." "I WILL KILL YOU WITH YOUR OWN UNICORN SHIT."

*-DAY OF DEATH-*

PEGAsus charged at Naruto with a gas cloud. "WTH IS THIS?"

"IT'S CALLED 'IM BEATING YOUR ASS WITH MY BODILY FUNCTIONS'"

"LAAAAAA PEGASUS YOU WILL DIE" naruto charged at Pegasus with all it's might only to have the unicorn that originally gave its powers to come back and kill naruto and Pegasus and dine on their flesh and turn their skin into coats and hats and new wings.

The end.

Lesson Learned: Never wish to be a unicorn.


	2. Naruto Gets What Naruto Wants

Your Whole New Life |D

After being harshly eaten in this evil unicorn's belly, naruto was beginning to think that this wasn't a good idea. Anyone could've told him that. OHWELL they didn't.

OHYES, at least he was still alive, and ATLEAST he gets food to eat every 3 hours. Unicorns run out of fuel. That's why Naruto was not able to fight off this unicorn.

"SHIT AND I CALL MYSELF A UNICORN." He cursed himself. If only he would've known. If only …

BUT NOW here's the WORST PART Naruto could think of; He was stuck inside this .. THING with PEGASUS. EW. Naruto was miserable. With Pegasus being able to fly higher and all he got the fresh unicorn shit and Naruto had to eat his leftovers.

"JEEEEEEEEEZZZZZ YOU EAT LIKE A PIG, PEGASHIT!"

Pegasus wanted to turn around and kill Naruto the Unicorn right on the spot. But then that would give away the fact they were still alive. UGH. "Keep your voice down. Want to get killed and eaten for real this time?" Pegasus said quietly.

"WHATEVER." Naruto was still peeved off about getting the left over goodies. He'd always wanted to stuff his face with sweets but he was a ninja then. Now that he's a unicorn he wants to fill up on this shit. And he can't.

_I should just kill him. _Naruto looked over at Pegasus. _I can't … this unicorn is on his game. What is Pegasus anyway? It's weird. He's stupid. I hope there's only one of you. _Naruto thought to himself.

"OMG…!"

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT PEGASHIT?"

"IT'S…. IT'S …. GONNA SHIT US OUT… "

O.e "WHAT."

Naruto wasn't too fond of that but he wasn't about to freak out either, you know, with him eating Pegasus' shit. HE HAD TO, OR HE'D STARVE.

"I DUN WANNA GO OUT THAT WAY. NO NO NONO NO." Pegasus complained.

Naruto took a vote in his head. _Kill Pegasus? Yes. Any objections? No. Then it's settled._

"HEY PEGASHI—PEGASUS, COME DOWN HERE FOR A MINUTE."

Pegasus obeyed and can eye to eye with Naruto. "What?"

Naruto bowed his head and shoved his horn in Pegasus' eye.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWO!"

"HEHEHEHEHEHEH PEGASHIT I TOLD YOU I WOULD KILL YOU."

Naruto kept stabbing Pegasus with his horn until he was a bloody mess.

Then Pegasus uttered his last words…

"Okay, I'll die here … BUT IMMA HAUNT YO ASS BITCH."

Naruto looked … surprised.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" With that, Naruto gave one final stab and ate the left over Pegasus.

_I just need to get out of here …_

Lesson Learned: Don't kill Pegasus unless desperately needed.


	3. Naruto's Escape

Your Whole New Life |D

**A/N: This was originally a "story" to annoy my buddeh so it is continued for others enjoyment as well as mine; writing it.**

**RECAP: Naruto and Pegasus were eaten by an evil unicorn. The unicorn was going to poop them out and then Pegasus began to whine. Naruto killed him for that.**

_There __**must**__ be a way outta here; maybe I'm not thinking well enough._

He killed Pegasus already. He was the only one in there that could fly. Naruto could've hitched a ride out through the unicorn's mouth and _**then**_ killed Pegasus. If only the brat weren't so annoying. Naruto only hoped for a moment that one of his former teammates would stumble across this giant thing and figure out he was inside. That was the only thing keeping him going. But he had a plan B, so, he wasn't as dumb as everyone thought… we'll have to see if his plan works, though.

That dumbass unicorn was working Naruto's nerves. He kept eating every three days now, and Naruto was still very hungry.

_This shit better not be constipated. _Naruto wished it wasn't or else he'd be stuck in there for a **very** long time.

As if the unicorn was reading Naruto's mind and body; it all of a suddenly needed to take a dump.

_Alright, this is my chance._

The big-ass unicorn squat down and tried to let out the biggest turd Naruto would ever see in his lifetime. Naruto was starting to regret this.

So instead of carrying out his original plan, he decided he was being let off early.

He started to nibble the unicorn's belly.

Well, of course that shitty unicorn had no idea what was taking place in his tummy, he was too busy tryna figure out why he wasn't crapping, **still. **

_What a douche bag. _Naruto thought chewing the bits of the unicorn's body.

THEN, ON A STROKE OF **PURE GENIUS**, Naruto realized, he had a **horn.**

A horn that could slice open the unicorn easily and he could be free in a matter of minutes. So, he swallowed that last piece of flesh and scrapped his horn hard enough so it would tear. That bastard unicorn was so intent on letting out a load that it thought it was from pushing too hard.

Soon enough, there was blood everywhere just as that giant unicorn finally dumped his pile. Naruto jumped out with the little rainbow power he has left and stood back to watch. Jumping on the tip if the giant unicorn's horn, to view his work, of course, he realized they were in the center of town and the pile of shit and blood was covering most of the small area, like an avalanche or tsunami—whatever you wish. Isn't that a pretty sight to see while fucking?

Lesson Learned: Watch where you shit and kill a unicorn at the same time.


End file.
